may 7th

mush mush mush

send me the mushy. i'll gladly accept. all you have to do is show up 

without startling me..

quick!

hurry! 

before i have to pee. i don't know

if this feeling will last

try not to hurt me

may 7th

everyone is talking about cinco de mayo and i don't have any input. 

are we supposed to get drunk and party for the sake of mexican tradition?

i don't think so. actually i think it is kind of insulting, and i'm not even mexican. if i were i would find it extremely insulting. i'm getting distracted by things now, the light in the kitchen seemed so much brighter yesterday. is that even possible? am i losing it?? i did shrooms yesterday. i forgot about cinco de mayo altogether,right  after all the drunk kids left keith's apartment. i thought about things i usually think about when i'm fucked up. (shhh nitrus/glue)  there was a will ferrel movie playing in the background all night. angela kept saying everything i said was stupid. so i just didn't say anything. i lied to everyone at work a few minutes ago, because i said i would see them tomorrow and goodnight and don't worry about it even though i had a shitty night. it seemed like the rights things to say. i felt like screaming underwater like jennifer connelly in Requiem for a Dream. i wish i could come up with a different comparison that wasn't in a movie..movies are all about movies and they aren't real. i think i have a hard time telling what is real sometimes.but i think i might have heard that in a  movie too…it's hard to tell. 

engagement date:

i'm getting naked. i take off my bra strategically, then grab the sides of my pink underwear. 

he reaches for them

i push his hands away, "No. NO! You can NOT touch me there!"

his hands slide back. a smirk slides on his greasy fucked face. "Oh. Oh. You are so conservative.."

i step back. reach out a 45 automatic. bash him in the head several times..blood is squirting everywhere. he is on his knees begging for life.  his face begs for mercy, and right before i pull the trigger he said, "Please! For the love of GOD..i'm to be married next week!!" BOOM

silence

(what actually happened)

i stepped back.."You're right. I am conservative, with strangers."

he shifted and looked stupid, useless. 

i sat in his lap for two minutes and got 100 bucks. 

he still gets married next week. 

i go home, put my money in the bank, and sit here writing about things i will never do.